I want a reset button

Recently I was asked to speak at a day of pampering for moms / wives of people with special needs.  One thing I shared that I wish I had a reset button when life gets crazy and I feel like an overloaded circuit.  Here’s my 10 ten ways that I  “reset” when life is just so stressful that I want to scream.

10. Chocolate!!!! Enough said!

9.  Eat an apple.  I can get good brain food, fiber for my body, keep the doctor away, and pretend I’m biting someone’s head off all at the same time!

8. Do 20 Jumping Jacks.  It gets my heart pumping, burns off anxiety adrenaline, and no one gets hurt in the process. May even help to burn off the chocolate.

7. Clean out a closet / drawer / cabinet.  Feels good to release the junk and see a clean space!

6. Retail therapy.  Using coupons and deals, of course! Great way to fill up that closet / drawer / cabinet I just cleaned out.

5.  Read a book.  Let me escape into someone else’s dysfunction for a while.  Makes my life not seem so bad.

4. Laugh!

3.  Call my mom.  She has to listen to me because I’m her daughter.  Plus she’s cheaper than therapy.

2.  Time alone with my husband.  Ooo lala!  Need I say more?

And number 1:

1. Take time to refresh, rejuvenate, and reconnect with God.  God provides the divine reset!

“Resetting” is important for everyone, especially those of us who deal with different abilities every day.  So how do you reset in your life?

My Jill of all trades life

Life has been very interesting lately!

We had a family crisis at the beginning of the year, and are still readjusting.  We had hospitalizations, therapy, and emotional phone calls. Despite it all, my kids are doing great, and my family is still wonderfully intact!

In the midst of everything, I have found several ways to do “self therapy.”  As I’ve written before, I am a Wildtree representative, and we just got our organic certification.  I have been having tasting parties, relaxing, getting some extra income, and making friends.  My support system has multiplied!

I also went to a doTerra class, and learned about essential oils.  I wanted the vitamins, and to get them economically I had to pay a membership fee… which means I’m a rep for doTerra now.  LOL!  I have already discovered these wonderful oil blends that helped my kiddos sleep and really made a difference in their behavior at church today. I’ve found a blend that helped me deal with a stressful situation yesterday.   Hooray!

So, I do Wildtree, doTerra… and now I’m making jewelry out of scrabble tiles.  I’m having fun! It’s like therapy for me.  I can make tile jewelry rather quickly, and it’s almost like an immediate gratification project.  I’ve actually sold some!

My autism awareness scrabble tile pendants

I’m also possibly doing aromatherapy pendants.  At the doTerra class I was asked if I could make some, and I’m experimenting.

I’ve done some public speaking. I’ve mentioned before that I’m also an ordained pastor in the United Methodist Church.  I was able to fill in for a friend during Holy Week– I did three services over Easter.  I also spoke to a group of moms of kiddos with autism and other special needs in February. Maybe I’ll post that sometime… I got some great laughs and was able to help other moms “reset” that day

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I kind of like my Jill of all trades life.  It fits my adhd tendencies.  I have a  feeling I may never “get rich” with so many thing to “focus” on, but I am having fun.  I’m meeting the most incredible people.  Most of all, I feel that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing right now, and that helps me see the “lighter side” of our lives with autism.

Something wrong with my brain

My friends told me I just have to blog about this.

The week before the school’s winter break, my son was obsessing about the xBox controller.  We had lost it.  Here’s a sample of our conversation (while I was cooking dinner, of course):

Mom: “I don’t know where the controller is!  Play a Kinect game… you don’t need the controller.  Your body is the controller.”

Middle Guy: “But you said I could play whatever game I want and I want to play Lego Starwars and that’s not on kinect so I don’t want to play kinect and you said I could play whatever I want.”

“I know you want to play Starwars-”

“So let me have the controller!”
“-and I don’t know where the controller is, so you can choose a kinect game!”

“But you said I could play whatever game I want and I want to play Lego Starwars and that’s not on kinect so I don’t want to play kinect and you said I could play whatever I want!  Why did you change your mind?”

“I didn’t change my mind, we just can’t find the controller.  So your options are playing a Kinect game or reading or going outside.”

“But I don’t want to play a Kinect game, I want to play Lego Star Wars and….” and over and over and over.

Finally, I said, “I’m done. You know your options.”

Silence.  Then, he asked me, “Did you change your brain?”

That’s what he was saying at the time rather than “change your mind.”  At first I considered saying, “No, I just can’t find the controller,” but it would have started all over and escalated.  So I just said, “Yes.”

Mistake.

“You mean there is something wrong with your brain?”

“If losing the controller means that there is something wrong with my brain, then yes, I suppose so.”

Heavy and loud stimming ensued.  He was vocalizing “Eeeeeeeeeeee” so loudly I couldn’t think. So, I sent him outside to stim, which is a common thing to do at our house.  Glad we have understanding neighbors.

I could hear him so I knew he was nearby, so I wasn’t worried.  (The bright side of stims!)  I put dinner in oven and sat down to take a break.

I heard my son open the door to come back in the house.  Then he said, “Yes, she’s in here!”

A deep male voice said, “In here?”

“Yes!”

I ran to the door.  My middle guy was standing there with a tall, big, african american guy wearing US Marines cap.  I looked at him in surprise.

“May I help you?” I asked.

“Oh, ma’am, I’m sorry… your son was out in the middle of the street and he flagged me down.  He said he needed help… that that was something wrong with your brain.”

“Oh really… well, everything’s okay.  I’m so sorry…”

“I apologize ma’am…” he mumbled something about an aneurism…

“Thank you for stopping and caring… I’m sorry my son bothered you… “

“No problem, you have a good night.”

“Thanks.”

Big marine guy left.

Middle guy was standing there giggling.  I sent him to his room.

How embarrassing!

So, where did I find the humor?  Well, in the whole situation, after the fact.  Hindsight can be humorous.

Where did I find gratitude?  I found it in the fact that the man wasn’t a serial criminal of some kind who just came into my house.  And that my son didn’t get run over.

And where did I find the hope?  In the fact that my son knows how to flag down help if he needs it.

Now to teach him when it is appropriate to flag down that help!

Words

I originally posted this in December 2010 when I started this blog.  I wanted to share it again for Thanksgiving.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

“I am thankful for making words.”

I read this and froze in my tracks. My son wrote this on his construction paper “leaf” at school for Thanksgiving 2010.

I began to remember all the times we wondered if he’d ever speak to us.  I remembered when he was three years old and, putting him to bed one night, he said, “I love you” to me for the first time.  I cried, and told my husband and called my friends and family, even though it was late.

I recalled how we used to not give him anything he wanted, putting everything out of his reach, until he would say the word for the item.

I remembered how his only words were echolalic terms.  He would only repeat or “script” words from movies, books, and songs.  I remembered how happy I was when he told me the first time, “I want…. Daddy?”, as if he were unsure he could want Daddy.  I remember (as does my husband) how I unlocked the bathroom door where Daddy was… um… busy… because Philip used a complete sentence and expressed that he wanted someone he couldn’t see for the first time!  Philip stayed in the bathroom with Daddy until Daddy was done.

I remembered how we slowly and painstakingly helped him ask questions and request what he wanted, how we used and are using sentence starters to help him have conversations with friends, how we role played before social situations what he could say when someone asked him such things as “How are you?  Do you like school? What grade are you in? How old are you now?”

And, more recently, I remembered with tears in my eyes how happy I was when I asked my husband if he would put Philip to bed and Philip said, “Daddy, tell Mommy no.”  How he answered me now when I asked him how his day was or what he wanted for dinner.

Philip wrote, I am thankful for making words.

I am thankful, too.

Family Favorites

Weeks before Thanksgiving, I asked my family how they wanted to celebrate.  Seemed like all of my nearby family and friends were going elsewhere and my far-away family wasn’t coming this year.  It was going to be us 5.  My vote: go out to eat.  Well, I was outvoted.  I was amazed to hear that it just wouldn’t be Thanksgiving for my family without a turkey dinner at home.  Sigh.

So, the day before the big day, I began to cook.  I made the pumpkin pie filling, chopped the veggies for the stuffing, brined the turkey, made the dough for the biscuits.  Then, as we were running errands, my middle guy asked me who was coming for Thanksgiving dinner.  When I replied that no one was coming, he asked where we were going.  I told him we were staying home and having the turkey dinner that everyone wanted.

Mayhem ensued.  My  middle guy and my girl were very adamant that they never said they wanted to stay home.  (What?)

Then my middle guy surprised me.  He asked me why we couldn’t call Uncle E. and Uncle R. and see if they could come over.

I explained to him that his uncles, aunts, and cousins had other plans.  He said, “Well, maybe we could just go to Uncle R’s house.” Again, I explained they had other plans.

My son has never seemed to care one way or another about holiday guests and family.  I just chalked it up to his autism.  I was impressed that he wanted to connect with others.

But then my son really shocked me.  He said, “Uncle R. likes me the most.”  That was odd. To my knowledge, my son has never had a real conversation with Uncle R.  I asked him how he knew that Uncle R. liked him the most.

“Because, every time Uncle R. sees me, he says, “Hi, Philip!’”

I learned something today. Whether or not it seems like it, my son notices who takes time to acknowledge him, who seems happy to see him, and cares about his family. This gives me hope: hope that he will have meaningful relationships outside of his nuclear family and hope that he might learn to reciprocate.

And it breaks my heart a little, because it means he also most likely notices when he is ignored, which happens a lot, because on the outside, it seems like he’s in his own world or content just to flap his hands and say “Eeeee” over and over.  It also means that I’ve been discounting him just a little.  How much else has he noticed that I just assumed he didn’t?

I am so thankful that my boy cares and loves.  Now to foster those family relationships…

Happy Thankgiving!

Update: If that Makes me a Liberal Addict…

Just wanted to make my readers aware that the house resolution did pass… the copays have been postponed until the matter is studied further. Hooray! Click here to read the article.

Free Printables and Resources for Autism

From time to time I come across resources that I find are helpful.  So here’s a link for you. I think it’s pretty neat, myself:

Free Printables and Resources for Autism.