Ok, who is this kid? Music makes a difference.

As I posted previously, my son plays in the bell choir at our church.  It’s a good way for him to be part of a group, learn to take direction, and make music– one of his passions.  (I give great kudos to his hand bell choir director, who has learned how to work with my boy and been very patient. I bet he was a great band teacher and school administrator prior to retiring!)

The bell choir plays about 4 times per school year.  Usually, I am my busy self and it dawns on me the Saturday afternoon before the Sunday morning performance that my son needs to have his clothes, shoes, etc. ready.  More than once we’ve had to run out at the last minute to get him dress pants or shoes that fit.

This time, however, was different.

I reminded my son, “Hey, remember what tomorrow is?”

“What?” he replied.

“Bells!”

“Oh yes!  Mr. F. wants us to wear green.”

“Green?”
“Yes, we are supposed to dress like it’s spring.”

“Oh.  Well, I don’t think you have anything green.”

“Yes, I do.  I am going to wear my Hawaiian shirt because it has green in it, my light brown pants, my brown dress socks, and my dress shoes.”

Waaaat???  Planning ahead?  My son?

After I recovered from the shock, I asked him, “Do you have those things ready?”

“I’ll go up right now and get it ready, Mom. OK?”  He ran upstairs to his room.

“Ok,” I replied. I had to sit down.  This was amazing.  I had this feeling of relief that I didn’t have to do it, but at the same time I felt a sadness that I wasn’t as needed. But mostly I was relieved.

A few minutes later, my son called from upstairs,

“Mom, I need to go out to get a new belt.”

“Why?” I called.

“Well, does my blue belt match my Hawaiian shirt?”

Okay, by this time I was about to faint because never has my boy cared about matching.  But I recovered quickly, and said, “Yes, the belt matches.  There is blue in your Hawaiian shirt, too.”

“But Mr. F says green.”

“I don’t think Mr. F. cares about your blue belt.  He said ‘spring,’ right?  Not just green.”

“Yes!  Okay, thanks, Mom.”

Huh.

My boy proceeded to lay out all of his clothes, including his socks, shoes, and belt.  The next morning we were actually early for the dress rehearsal because he was ready in record time.  He even complimented someone at church on their shirt.

Double huh.

Music makes him want to prepare and get up in the morning. Music is helping him be independent.  I have hope that my husband and I may indeed be empty-nesters.  And that’s a good thing!

Conflict resolved: My doTerra home business

As I posted previously, I have a conflict between saving money and selling stuff.  I want to be economically and socially responsible and teach my kids to do the same. I really don’t like to sell things that people don’t need, that’s just unnecessary “stuff,” or that are actually harmful in the long run.  I wouldn’t be a good stiletto sales woman, or grocery store worker (“Step away from the MSG!” I imagine myself saying to customers), and I certainly couldn’t sell things that someone could get cheaper and just as good somewhere else.

Last spring I attended a doTerra class.  When I smelled the oils, I was surprised at their potency! I learned that they could be taken internally, not just externally like the ones I had been using at the health food store. I signed on– for the discount– and got myself the vitamins and supplements in the Lifelong Vitality Pack, which contained oils. Wow, the energy I felt was amazing! Long story short, I began sharing the oils with family and friends and grew a nice little essential oil collection for my family. Success!

  • My son no longer had to take melatonin when we started vetiver and the serenity blend.
  • My mom’s diabetic neuropathy lessened with the DDR Prime.
  • I used oregano to remove skin tags and warts. My husband used the melaleuca for a toenail fungus.
  • My skeptical dad relieved pain from a fall with the Deep Blue blend.
  • Doctor visits, pharmacy visits, and co-pays decreased for all of us.
  • My friend, after a day at the beach, was able to relieve a really bad burn for herself, her husband, and her small children!

I began sharing my successes on Facebook and handing out samples of the oils.  As I shared my oil successes, I grew not only my oil collections, but also a doTerra “team,” which means that other people liked and started using the oils for themselves– and I get a small commission from their purchases. I began to research how I could build my team and get more commissions.

Thus began my conflict!

In direct sales, there are many training opportunities about “maximizing” sales income.  Emails about such opportunites arrive regularly in my inbox.  I squirmed as I read  information about how to do what I considered to be psychological manipulation of others all in the name of my income’s bottom line. This was not from doTerra, by the way. But, I started to question my involvement in sales, period. Where as the products are economically and socially responsible, these sales methods were not!

I took a step back and reminded myself that I am not in this for the money. My focus is sharing, giving, and helping.  I share information, give samples, and if people try it and want to buy it, great. If not, that’s ok, too.  If they are satisfied with less expensive oils, then that’s okay. If my income increases, that’s okay, and if not, I’m fine with that.

I began to see the whole multi-level marketing thing in a different way.  I grew excited because, not only could I help people with the oils, and get a commission, but I can also help people financially, just because they use the oils.  But that’s for another post. Sharing, giving, helping.

That’s how I solved my inner conflict with the economy and selling the expensive, but what I consider to be the highest quality, essential oils. My journey of living a faithful life of integrity continues.  I will set a good example for my kids, and by giving, sharing, and helping I will teach them to do the same. Through this, even though two have autism and social / relational challenges, I hope they all build healthy relationships that are mutually beneficial and not harmful or manipulative.  My own journey gives me hope for them!

Expectation, crying, and a call from the school

At 7:30 AM,  my son’s learning support teacher called. My son, P,  was very upset and crying.  She was concerned, as this was the second time she had seen him cry in three years.  He said he would feel better if he could talk to me.

The issue: his older brother M did not wear a coat to school.  (Also, another kid reported that M and another student hitting P while on the school bus. So she was going to report my older son and this other kid for bullying on the school bus.  But Philip was mainly upset about the coat issue.)

Sigh.

As my husband listened in, I consoled my boy. Here’s a snippet of our conversation.:

Me: Hi, sweetie, what’s wrong? You were crying?

P: Yes.  M. did not wear a coat to school! And Dad told him to.  He needs to listen.

Me: He didn’t wear his coat?  And that upset you? Well, he does that sometimes.  It’s his decision.  It’s weird, but it happens.

P: Yeah.

Me: I’ll have Dad talk to him about it, ok?

P: Ok.

Me: Was M hitting you on the bus, sweetie?

P: Yes.

Me: And who else?

P: “Jake.” (name changed)

Me: We’ll take care of that too.

P: Ok.

Me: Is there anything else? Do you feel better?

P: I feel better now.

Me: Ok, sweetie. You have a good day.  You can start your day over right now, ok?  I love you.

P: I love you too, mom.  Bye.

My husband and I looked at each other and took a deep breath and sighed. My husband said, “Oh, boy.”  I shook my head.  We were  upset by the bullying and that P. didn’t report it himself.  P. was upset by the coat.  So there’s two life lessons that P. needs to learn: letting people make their own decisions and standing up for himself.

I am so grateful that other students were looking out for P.  I’m grateful for an understanding teacher.  I’m most of all grateful for a son who knows that he can call me if he has a problem and for teachable moments.  And this gives me hope.

 

Investigation: The Case of the Missing Tablet

I am just beside myself with joy!  Want to hear a true feel good story?

When we helped out at the church’s pantry on a Saturday, my son’s tablet was stolen. He had left it unattended to come find me.  I was sad, but not surprised. We tried to track the tablet electronically, but it had been purged and reset.  So sad.  We figured that the tablet was gone. My son, husband, and I had lots of conversations about what my son would do next time if he took an electronic to pantry day, or anywhere else.  We decided to work on street smarts with all the kids.

However, my church family was not content to just be sad and chalk it up to “lesson learned.” In fact, they were pretty upset.  My “sister” Wendy, who is going to partner with me for a new ministry at the food pantry, and “Peanut,” a man who comes to the pantry and has become active in church, “investigated.” Peanut then called his suspect and told him that if he didn’t return the tablet to Peanut within 1/2 hour of when Peanut got off work, then Peanut was going to come get it and bring the police. Peanut had the tablet within 25 minutes.

When Wendy messaged to tell me, I was shocked. I’ve never had someone watch out for my family like this… and sadly to to say, especially in the church! Wendy and I were so excited, and I could hardly wait to tell my son.

“Guess what!!!” I said to my boy.

“What?”

“You know Ms. Wendy and Peanut from church?”

“Yeah.”

“They did an investigation!”

“An investigation?”

“Yes, and guess what they found!”

Pause.  Look of wonder emerges on my boy’s face.

“My tablet?!?”

“Yes!  Do you want to go with Wendy and me to pick is up from Peanut?”

“Yes!”

So my boy and I picked up Wendy at her place and went to meet Peanut at a 7-11 and got his tablet!

 My boy was so happy.  He danced, ran around the parking lot, exclaimed, “You even got the charger!”, and hugged Wendy and Peanut.
I love it that we have have a community that watches out for one another, and that we can watch out for, too.  I was able to explain to all of my kids that they have a real church family that cares for them and really likes them, a lot, and that they can count on this.  We can do the same for them, too.  I explained how rare this is, and that this is God’s love in action.  We still need to have street smarts, but we also know that someone has our backs.
Community, love, and justice.  It was a great day!

Homework

I have to say that I’ve struggled to let myself off the hook for this one. I know that if I get too busy, something is bound to fall through the cracks.  Kids know that and they are sneaky!

Last fall, I vowed to be a better help to my younger son regarding school work.  I knew that I had  dropped that ball for sure when I received an email from a teacher saying that he was in danger of failing because of missed homework.

Imagine my surprise when I found that my  “honor-roll”  student was making D’s in some of his classes, and that my precious little boy had been lying to me (“I don’t have homework. I did it in resource period.”) like some crazy teenager.

Oh, wait, he is a teenager.  Wake up call!!!

The D that surprised me was in English, most notably his spelling assignments.  He has always been an excellent speller.  I noticed that, although he was making A+’s on his exams, he was making F-’s on his homework.  Since there was more homework grades than exams grades, his average had plummeted to a D.

I also discovered that his grades in history were dropping, mainly because he wasn’t doing his weekly homework.  I was surprised to find out that he had been expected to find a current news event– tv, internet, newspaper, etc.– to share with the class every week since school began and he hadn’t done it all year!

I called him in to review his grades. First, I addressed the history grade.  I asked him where he was getting his news articles or stories, and he said that he made something up every week to share with the class.  (Boy, I bet those stories were interesting. Kudos for creativity and imagination.) He also said that he “forgot” his current events paper every week.  I told him that I had found his weekly current event paper on the teacher’s web page, and made him  encouraged him to save it to his computer so he could print it out if he “forgot” it at school.  No more excuses.

Next, I addressed English / spelling. I showed him his homework grades and his average grade.  In response, he pointed out his test scores.  He didn’t feel that he needed to do homework if he could ace the tests. Good argument.  However, my goal was and is to teach responsibility for himself and his own work, and part of this is homework.

After our “discussion,” I threw down the ultimatum.  I told him that he needed to get his homework average up to a 70% in all classes or he would lose his new tablet computer.  That did the trick– he brought home his spelling homework and completed the whole week’s worth in 15 minutes.  Stinker!  He also had a “real” news story to share with the class that week.

So, I dropped the ball, but I got it back.  And I learned once again that even sweet little boys with autism grow into snarky teenagers.  I wonder what he’ll have for me next!

Question: What are some ways that you keep your kids accountable for their homework?

So conflicted!

which way

From weheartit.com

I’ve been struggling with internal conflict lately.  Here’s an example:

A.  As a mom, especially an “autism” mom, I am passionate about streamlining life, lessening stress, and living inexpensively.  I love to help others do the same thing.

B.  I am involved with 4 home businesses that depend on events and sales– which means I depend upon scheduling events and people buying things, despite the economy and hectic schedules of everyone around me.

Seem like these two don’t match.  Especially since I don’t want to be a hypocrite!

As I did some soul searching and pondering today, I realized that my three direct sales businesses are all about health, sustainability, saving money (in the long run), and clearing out junk from pantry, medicine cabinet, and closet.  The 4th one, my scrabble tile jewelry business, re-purposes game pieces and gives people truly meaningful gifts, rather than “junk to dust,” as my mother in law says.  All four businesses support small businesses and / or small farmers, fair trade, and the environment.

So I guess I can say that, even though I depend on people to buy things, they are things that will save time, money, and stress.  At least, that’s my experience and my hope for others.

This economy, and the shift that is going on in the United States and globally toward sustainable living and fair practices and fair trade, has really gotten me thinking about what I contribute and how I teach my kiddos to live and act. Recently, my husband and I watched a documentary called Money and Life and we’ve decided to make changes.  What changes they will be are yet to be seen, but we are considering our family life, home, and work. What is truly valuable?

So this is the start of my ramblings of my inner conflicts and how I work through them, and teach my kiddos along the way.

Can you relate?  If so, what do you do?

UPDATE! 2014!!! (And a giveaway!)

OOPS! Please forgive me!  I had a poll asking you readers about your new year resolutions and promised a give away.  What I didn’t realize was that I wouldn’t be able to see who posted what, so if you would comment below if you participated, please let me know.  I want to give away a Wildtree gift basket!  Give away ends 1-31-14. 

In my last post, I said that I would share my goals for 2014.  Here they are.  Short and sweet and simple:

1.  Get a handle on my business finances.  Going from one to three (four?) businesses is tricky for my adhd self.

2. Make sure my middle guy does his homework.  He’s one of these kids that makes A’s on the tests, so what does homework have to do with anything?  (I think he’s college material, so grades do count.)

This might mean that I have to start an incentive for grades.  Sigh.

3.  Keep decluttering, refocusing, and “clearing.” I feel that big change is a-comin’, and I want to be ready.  More on that later.

So what are you goals?  Participate in my poll, and  be entered in to win a Wildtree package worth $20!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 530 other followers